Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Updates

Dear Friends,

It's been a while! Thank you again so very much for sharing your stories. While I (admittedly) do not visit the blog very often, I do receive all comments through email and read each and every one of them.

I started this thing when I was feeling a bit 'distraught' and was looking for a place to share feelings that were painful. I felt so alone and disgusting. I wasn't really expecting anyone to even read anything here (despite the name)....it just felt good to say things out in the 'open', to have them be less hidden (and one thing many of us fuzzy ladies do is hide). In many ways, this allowed me to move on and not fixate so much on this issue in my life.

That being said, one thing that has really helped is being with the same guy for the past 8 years. He is just absolutely wonderful and I am so lucky. The early stages freaked me right out and I was always expecting him to lose interest. Didn't happen. And strangely enough, he was always the more committed one. When we first started having sex, I would actually get him to cover his eyes (if it was during the day) so he wouldn't be able to see me and all the hair. I was okay in the dark, but in the light....again, hiding, unnecessarily so...and the poor guy, he would be so confused. This went on longer than it should have.

Let's say that things have come a long way from there. Perhaps I will share another day.

As for this blog, I would really like this place to be more useful to all of you. I was considering starting a forum so people could talk to each other. Any thoughts on that?

I will leave it at this for now.

But, one more thing: I turned 30 this year, and this is the first time in my life I have felt a bit carefree. Believe it or not, I don't even own any jeans anymore. All summer long, its been skirts, dresses and shorts, halters even. If my legs get a bit hairy, no big deal. Life goes on. I'm not particularly old, but having completed another decade, I cannot help but reflect on time that has passed. And as one gets older, this time thing (whatever it is) starts to feel more and more finite. I want to make the most of it. I want to make the most of my youth. I want to have a good time. I want to be desired. I want to have silly, spontaneous fun. Perhaps one of the reasons why these things are so important to me now is because I kept myself from them for so long. I don't have a lot of regrets, but I do regret allowing certain things (like being super fucking hairy...everywhere) have so much power over my life that for a while I just wasn't living very much. I was so miserable.

Being alive is hard and the last thing one really needs are things that make it harder. Sure, people always say, "everyone has problems", but some are challenged more than others. It can feel unfair, but what can I say, we're all on our own journey. Being forced to go through life with obstacle after obstacle is so difficult, but it brings a depth, intensity and compassion which I guess is it's own beautiful monster.

I hate telling people what to do, but please:

Don't be so hard on yourself

Relax a bit and let yourself be seen by others

Try and forget about the standards of beauty for women. They are totally and completely fucked up. A gorgeous brain and heart outlives any kind of high maintenance smooth skin. It's also far more interesting (and attractive).

Take a risk and enjoy it

Do whatever the fuck you want and enjoy it

Don't let time pass you by. Slow it down by giving yourself up to every moment

......

Love and well wishes to you all,

A.






Thursday, June 19, 2014

an overdue hello

hello beautiful fuzzy friends,

it's so nice to see that a small place like this can offer some solace. i have been reading all comments and all of them have touched me greatly. i hope that you are all finding the strength in yourselves to deal with this issue; life is hard enough as it is!

as for me, well, i'm still hairy, but i guess i've been trying to see it as less of a problem and more of just another thing in my life that i must learn to overcome. does that make sense? life is short and i want to enjoy it and i'm trying to learn as much as i can from this this obstacle. it's a challenge in itself to not see it as one (ie an obstacle). sometimes i wonder how much of this is vanity...

there have been quite a few women i have seen around town, this year especially, that have just been rocking their body hair. and i don't mean scant fair hair on fair arms, i mean: chest stubble, beards, pit hair, super fuzzy legs. and these have been women of all different backgrounds and ethnicities. it has been refreshing and just makes me want to say a big "fuck you" to this shit.

so...i have been waxing my legs and threading facial hair, but that's about it. i'm wearing shorts, halters, (no crop tops yet!), sleeveless shirts (even to work), because i want to and i think i look good in them!! it's been a challenge to not be self conscious, i will admit.

i'm leaving with you two articles that have been written about body hair. I'm definitely seeing more articles on female body hair floating around on the internet. Granted, they haven't been about hirsutism, per se. However, I wonder if once this becomes more socially accepted, whether it will challenge the definition of female hirsutism....

Anyway, without further ado:

Thoughts on female body hair - from 2013, comments are interesting (and check out that hot sophia loren picture!)

It's the year of the bush - Jan 2014, the guardian. as always comments are interesting, especially the guardian pick.

Warm wishes,
A.


Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dancing

So its 2:27 am and I have 'ditched' a bunch of friends (one whose birthday we were celebrating tonight, and one being my 1 year plus boyfriend) from their night of dancing.

for as long as i can remember, dancing is one thing i have never been able to do - with other people. As I explained to a friend as I was leaving the club (albeit one with a very positive vibe), I would much rather do heroin. And I wasn't kidding about that.

So what does this have to do with being a very hairy girl/woman/something like that? I dont know. But I was hoping you could tell me. It's really hard to write anything beyond this because I have no idea what else to say.

I am sorry that my updates to this blog have been sporadic at best. For the past year or so I have been very lucky to be in a really wonderful relationship with a really wonderful man, someone I truly truly love. I ran out of time to shave my legs completely for his family's Thanksgiving dinner and was only able to go as high as, say, my mid thigh. It looked like really bad haircut, but ON A WOMAN'S LEG. And he didn't give a shit.

I don't really want to talk about my relationship right now.  Its kind of another topic. But i do want to talk about dancing. Sometimes I will dance at home, in my room, but always alone. I did go to a show by myself sometime ago and sure did dance in a room full of people, but not one person did I know.

For some reason, I have always felt that dancing has very much to do with identity. Especially, at least in my life and personal experience, my identity as a woman. It was only a year or so ago that I began to feel comfortable wearing a dress. Otherwise it was always baggy jeans and sneakers. For several years I toyed with the idea of a sex change, but a part of me knew that it wasn't the right answer. But where does all of this leave me (and perhaps you too)? In the middle of nowhere perhaps.....  or as just a confused and conflicted person.

I want to know how you all feel when you dance with others (if you have done so). Is it a big deal? Something you had to work up to? Or has it been something that has always been easy? If you hold back, does it have to do with holding back in sharing other parts of your life too (like things that are affected by hirsutism. though it can be hard to gauge and understand the many ways in which this touches our lives)? For me,  a sincere conversation with my body is something that I seldom have, because for that I really have to let go. and that involves movement; uncontrolled,  unadulterated honest  movement.  As hairy women, we spend a lot of time obsessing about our bodies, staring at them, scrutinizing them, thinking about them all the time, controlling them very severely, but  letting them control our lives and our relationships with others. But ultimately I find, it is the relationship we have with ourselves that is controlled, restricted even. obviously.

I do not know if this conversation (with my body) can ever be something that someone else can be part of. First of all, I cannot even be honest with anyone in my life about this 'cage' (hair) that surrounds my body. I shouldn't assume so much, I suppose. I went for a run today, my first real run, by myself of course. It was short, but it felt good. I could really feel the many ways in which I tie myself up, and tie myself down. I could feel how I clench my jaws, my fists. Squint my eyes. Tense my shoulders, Stiff my legs and back......

Where is this all going, I dont know. Will this relationship last, I dont know.


Much love to you all, sincerely, because you are the only ones I have ever been able to be honest with about this part of my self and life. You know, even though this is the internet, I am not writing to a vacuum, I am writing to you. And that means a lot to me.

Thank you for reading.

and please remember, even though I dont respond to comments or update frequently, I read every word you all write.

3.01am.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I Hirsutism

Hi Everyone,

I have found a website, The Experience Project, that houses the group "I Hirsutism." There are a couple of stories on there (5 to be precise) that I thought you would like to read.

Hope y'all are well,
A.

Spring Cleaning

So I'm back (again)! And as some of you regular followers (if this blog even has any) may have  noticed, this place looks a little different. Yes....I have cleaned and freshened it up a bit and deleted all that nasty spam (I know, I'm so tech savvy).


There is a new picture on the left. For those who aren't familiar with it, it's a self portrait done by the late Mexican artist Frida Kahlo (July 6, 1907 – July 13, 1954). I will post some more pictures of her and her work, but I encourage everyone to look further into her work and life. To say anything more about her would pale in comparison to how she lived.  


And YES! She is a kindred sister! Notice the moustache and bushy eyebrows? To me, she really symbolizes that a woman does not have to submit to or be bounded by society's aesthetic conventions, and that there is far more to a woman than just her body. I know this is something we have all heard before. Something to which we may have responded, "easier said than done." However, her work in my mind is a physical manifestation of a woman that refuses to play by those rules. Her self portraits are interesting in this regard as she always emphasizes the hair on her face, therefore not just making it apparent intentionally, but making it impossible to ignore. The viewer is forced to acknowledge its presence. What a far cry from how I deal with my hair, trying to hide it anyway I can.


I know there is more to me (and all other people as well) than what I (and they) look like - or specifically, how  much hair I have. I feel as if I will never find these things unless I begin to focus a little less on this superficial nonsense that keeps me from experiencing life to the utmost, with abandon....


There is also a film on her starring Salma Hayek as Kahlo. Sure its Hollywood (of which I am not a fan), but  this film is very well done. 


Enjoy. 

Thursday, February 25, 2010

excuses excuses...

Hi everyone,

I apologise for my disappearance/inactivity and thought that it would be civil of me to atleast acknowledge the stories that have been shared. I sincerelely appreciate everyone's honesty and the initiative to participate in the discussion. I, unfortunately, have been an appalling moderator.

I promise (x100!) that I will begin updating the blog more regularly once the schoolwork has died down (I am in my final year of undergrad). I have also been without a computer for a year and a half, but I am coughing up money (laptop!) for a new one so that I may pursue this blog in privacy (and not public computer spaces).

Why must this embarass me so?! Good grief!

My love and respect to all you, I hope you ladies are faring well! Many changes have been taking place in my life (ie a long-term relationship with a boy who doesnt mind me being a werewolf). Will update sooner than later! And Mandy, I will reply to your post (and questions) too!

Thanks everyone!!

Monday, July 14, 2008

VIDEOS!!!

"Hairy women have feelings too"

!!

Aris Steele, AKA Hair Force 1, is an internet presence in support of hirsute women. Here is the mission statement:

After Years and Years of Struggle and Strife. Hair Force 1 Finally begins it's Sacred Mission, "To Fight for the Natural Hirsute Women of the World."
It's Time for a Serious Change in Attitudes and that change begins with Hair Force 1
Many people won't understand what we are fighting for. Many People will Disagree with what we are trying to do.
That's alright with us Because it does not matter what anyone thinks.
We expect a good fight and overcoming Barriers is part of the Mission. This day has been a Long Time Coming and it is finally here.
For the first time in the History of the World
Natural Women With Hairy Arms or Legs have a Force to fight for them. Just as determined as the Forces that Prey on them for Profit. Nobody Knows who we are.
Soon Everybody will know about Hair force 1 and our Mission.
Hair Force 1 Has Taken Flight. the mission has Begun


He (yes, it's a man) definitely seems adamant about the whole thing!

He has a great youtube channel with tonnes of videos of hirsute women showing off their "goods" (as in hair). Just as a side note - the videos are NOT pornographic (and I sincerely appreciate that).
Check his blog out too!

(bless his soul)

Friday, June 27, 2008

happy camper...?

Soooooo,

I am going camping this weekend. it's my first time.

oh god.

i've been trying to remove all my hair for the trip, but i haven't quite succeeded. i found a great sugaring recipe (posted above) which has worked wonders on my arms and legs. i wasnt able to find the time to *attack* (!) the other areas of my body so i bailed and took to shaving. the major areas i had to do were my back, chest and thighs....

my body is so red and sore from the blade now. i dont think i've ever felt so cruel. i wasn't able to reach all of my back and now i have this dumb patch of hair smack in the centre. i think i'll lie and say i forgot my bathing suit. maybe it will rain.

i wanted to ask my mum if she would be able to help me sugar my back, but she was so tired when she got home from work that i didnt bother asking. i am still unemployed for the summer, but i have money saved up for naturopathic treatment and the occasional 'emergency' salon waxing. neither of which i have tried as yet.

my skin is still burning from the irritation, so i think i will probably sleep undressed tonight. i really love the feeling of the sheets against my skin. clothes can be such a burden sometimes...
i recently purchased some unrefined sesame oil to use as moisturizer. the specific oil has been specified in ayurvedic science (an indian healing system), so i guess a part of me hopes that it will help put an end to a certain area of my life.

its 2:30am now and i have to wake by 5.
i am pretty sleepy.
if it's okay, im only going to post a link to the recipe (and change it to a real post later):
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/ancient-egyptian-body-sugaring.html



hope that each and every one of you is doing and feeling beautifully
-A.


ps - I THINK ITS RAINING OUTSIDE! holy shit!

you know you're hirsute when....

hi everyone,

i thought that i should add some humour to the subject.
this is just some stuff i came up with while shaving in the shower just a while ago (at 2 AM!)

YOU KNOW YOU'RE HIRSUTE WHEN...

- You shave your collar bones!
- you wish you were as hairy as your brother
- you only have time to wax/sugar one leg in a day
- you know what its like to nick your back with a razor (did that tonight!)
- you spend more time checking out women in bathing suits and short skirts than men
- your chest hair is impressive - but you're a woman
- you've had ingrown hairs on your bum

....
okay, so its not entirely funny, but feel free to add to the list!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

my absence!

Hi Everyone!

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for not updating the blog or replying to any posts. I've been a bit busy with school for the last month or so, and now I'm in the midst of my exams (argh!) But this also means that the summer break is around the corner! Expect a lot more in May and a big thanks to everyone for being part of this.


Much love and the sincerest of wishes,
A.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Another Hirsutism Support Group!

I encourage everyone to check this out:

http://www.keratin.net/forums/viewforum.php?f=8

I personally found this very helpful, as not only are there lots of women using it, it very openly and honestly discusses some of the more sensitive issues such as dealing with relationships, self-esteem, emotions, and even thoughts of suicide.
It's not all bleak though as there is even a thread on various things that have been working for people such as exercise, changes in diet etc.

I was quite surprised to find this forum as I had searched extensively (and found very little) before creating this blog. However, it was definitely a pleasant surprise, especially considering the number of stories that people have contributed. It's always a relief to know that one is not alone.

I hope that everyone is well and having a good weekend,

Much love,
A.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Hirsutism, Chakras and Spirituality

Hello Everyone,

So I am finally updating this blog!

I found some interesting information regarding hirsutism, chakras and spirituality. I am not sure how you all feel about this, but it certainly resonates with me. The website is called healer. ch. It is moderated by the Brofman Foundation for the Advancement of Healing. This is taken from their message boards. Here is the link:

http://bodymirror.proboards42.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1141020124&page=1


Here is a brief overview of the discussion:

"could you please let me know for a lady with hirituism (excessive hair) on her legs and chin, sideburns, eyebrows, face, stomach, breasts, hands, toes and 'female anatomy' what the associated chakra and reasoning for such an illness is."

-excess yang (male) energy and greater expression of the male rather than the female side
-Trying to be more like a male in order to satisfy a parent
-The person has to love themselves as a woman, and be proud and happy to be a woman
-learn to see yourself as beautiful and worthy of love - love from yourself and from others
- it is the effect of what they were doing in their consciousness, and the results of deep decisions that they had made, in response to conditions to which they reacted at the time the symptom began
-"But you say that you are very feminine, so, although when you look in the mirror you can't help noticing the hair, other people will see your femininity shining through! Concentrating on your femininity and enjoying it will help your confidence to grow, but unfortunately, being stressed and focusing on the hair will help the hair to grow"
-brow and sacral chakra imbalance



I am unsure of how others feel about such an outlook on health, illness and disease. I know that I feel very strongly about the body and sickness as metaphors for larger and deeper (and perhaps more personal) issues that take place on an emotional and spiritual level.

Here's a little more about myself:

For the past year, my hirsutism has been a source of utter confusion (and anguish). I am turning 22 next month, and while I could dream my life away when I was a kid, I cannot do that anymore as I know longer want to be blind to reality. I was born with hirsutism and the medical doctors that I have seen have told me that my hirsutism is idiopathic, therefore having no underlying basis.
I have been thinking a lot about how to deal with this thing that supposedly has no cause. It's making me re-evaluate my life, my self, and most importantly my beliefs - all in order to find a root to this all. I fall upon the idea of the imbalance of energies etc as I believe that there is a lot more to us than just our physical selves. One piece of advice that really stood out for me from the discussion on healer.ch was the one regarding family. From the time that I was very little to do this day, I have always had to be fortress in my family - the one to make everything to okay, the one to keep the family together, the one to make everyone feel better (my mother in particular for whom I often felt the need to fulfill the role my father never played). Considering all of this and my relationship with my mother, I am now not surprised that I am hirsute. I still wish that I didnt have to deal with this in the first place, but perhaps there is something, like a lesson, I must learn.

I am trying very hard, and I will keep on trying till this gets better. I don't believe in making compromises, especially in terms of my happiness and well being so if someone tells me that there is nothing I can do about this...I am not going to listen! I spent a lot of today in bed, and even had a bit of a good cry (!), which we all know is sometimes necessary and even comforting, but Im feeling better now and so much more hopeful. I dont know what tomorrow will bring, but as long as I do what feels most right in my heart, I think everything might just be okay.


All the best everyone!
A.

ps- let me know what you think, I'm a bit curious.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Stories

Hi everyone,

You can post your stories as comments in this section. I'm looking forward to reading them.

Here's my story:

I am a 21 year old female and I have had hirsutism for as long as I can remember. I'm going to copy-paste parts of a letter that I wrote to a homeopath just recently. I will start seeing her soon. Hopefully it will be something fruitful (fingers crossed)

"I have had blood tests that show normal hormonal levels, and will get myself checked for PCOS soon. My periods are also regular. My hair growth is definately excessive, occuring very visibly all over my body. According to my understanding it is mostly terminal hair, with vellus hairs occuring on my back, chest, shoulders, stomach, and buttocks. However, even these are quite long and are getting thicker as I get older. I was wondering what I could do about this. The doctor at my university recommended birth control pills and laser hair removal, neither which I am comfortable with at this point (and the latter also being rather expensive for me at ths point). The hair removal methods that I do use are: threading (face), waxing (anywhere else on my body) and shaving occasionally.
...
To give you a bit more information on myself:
-I have mainly been following a vegan diet for the past 2 years avoiding alchohol, caffeine and processed food
-I suffered from an eating disorder around age 16 which exacerbated my hirsutism (more vellus hairs), but upon dealing with that problem, my levels are back to normal.
-I unfortunately do not have a regular excercise schedule at all
-my background is South Asian. However, nobody in my immediate family is hirsuite
-I have been hirsuite since I was a child, so it is not something that came with the onset of puberty
...
I guess to put simply, I would kind of want to wear a nice dress, maybe learn how to swim, and perhaps even go on a date at least once before I die. "

Note: I got myself checked for PCOS and I am clear for it.

My hirsutism has bothered me greatly in the past, but I am dealing with it better now. I think some of it has to do with an acceptance of it on my part as worrying about it became a bit repetitive and futile. I guess it isnt all that bad, because it has taught me to value the intellect, including my own. I am going to admit that it does get a bit hard. Even though I have accepted the reality of hirutism in my life, I struggle accepting my body. I often feel like I was meant to be a man and went through a phase of some serious gender dysphoria that lasted quite a while. I'm a bit awkward with myself and the way I dress sometimes because I'm very careful with how much skin I show (and dont show). I have had to push several people away in the past for fear of ending up in an intimate relationship with them, or showing signs that I desired such a thing, inspite of how much I may have liked or even loved them. Some of you might be able to expose yourself in these situations, but I have not yet been able to. I really hate how I have to curb my spontaneity as I am quite outgoing and easy-going by nature, but overtime I have become timid and shy. I am trying to get over this and I know that I can (you can too).
As you all know, the list can go on. This is a peculiar problem as those that don't have it dont think much of it, or realize the immense psychological, spiritual and emotional impacts it can have. Sometimes I wonder when I will be able to lead a normal life but sometimes I feel like I am getting there.
I really wish I could be more positive about this as I know I sound a bit despondant. I guess this is just another journey and it is up to me to decide which direction I want to travel. The world is really just too beautiful a place to roam with closed eyes and a cold heart.


I wish you all the best,
Lots of love, hugs and warmth,
A.

A little introduction

Hi everyone!

As a person suffering from hirsutism, I often feel like I don't receive the support, or perhaps the type of support, I need.
Being unable to find that safe and understanding space, I figured I might as well create my own, and one for everyone else to share.
Over time I will add information regarding causes, treatment and anything else I feel is helpful. Feel free to share your personal stories as that is a large part of what this blog intends to do. Unfortunately I have next to zero web design skills and a blog may not be the best instrument for this purpose, but I encourage you to do it anyway!

I wish you all love and strength
Please don't feel like you are alone :)
Sincerely,
A.