Dear Friends,
It's been a while! Thank you again so very much for sharing your stories. While I (admittedly) do not visit the blog very often, I do receive all comments through email and read each and every one of them.
I started this thing when I was feeling a bit 'distraught' and was looking for a place to share feelings that were painful. I felt so alone and disgusting. I wasn't really expecting anyone to even read anything here (despite the name)....it just felt good to say things out in the 'open', to have them be less hidden (and one thing many of us fuzzy ladies do is hide). In many ways, this allowed me to move on and not fixate so much on this issue in my life.
That being said, one thing that has really helped is being with the same guy for the past 8 years. He is just absolutely wonderful and I am so lucky. The early stages freaked me right out and I was always expecting him to lose interest. Didn't happen. And strangely enough, he was always the more committed one. When we first started having sex, I would actually get him to cover his eyes (if it was during the day) so he wouldn't be able to see me and all the hair. I was okay in the dark, but in the light....again, hiding, unnecessarily so...and the poor guy, he would be so confused. This went on longer than it should have.
Let's say that things have come a long way from there. Perhaps I will share another day.
As for this blog, I would really like this place to be more useful to all of you. I was considering starting a forum so people could talk to each other. Any thoughts on that?
I will leave it at this for now.
But, one more thing: I turned 30 this year, and this is the first time in my life I have felt a bit carefree. Believe it or not, I don't even own any jeans anymore. All summer long, its been skirts, dresses and shorts, halters even. If my legs get a bit hairy, no big deal. Life goes on. I'm not particularly old, but having completed another decade, I cannot help but reflect on time that has passed. And as one gets older, this time thing (whatever it is) starts to feel more and more finite. I want to make the most of it. I want to make the most of my youth. I want to have a good time. I want to be desired. I want to have silly, spontaneous fun. Perhaps one of the reasons why these things are so important to me now is because I kept myself from them for so long. I don't have a lot of regrets, but I do regret allowing certain things (like being super fucking hairy...everywhere) have so much power over my life that for a while I just wasn't living very much. I was so miserable.
Being alive is hard and the last thing one really needs are things that make it harder. Sure, people always say, "everyone has problems", but some are challenged more than others. It can feel unfair, but what can I say, we're all on our own journey. Being forced to go through life with obstacle after obstacle is so difficult, but it brings a depth, intensity and compassion which I guess is it's own beautiful monster.
I hate telling people what to do, but please:
Don't be so hard on yourself
Relax a bit and let yourself be seen by others
Try and forget about the standards of beauty for women. They are totally and completely fucked up. A gorgeous brain and heart outlives any kind of high maintenance smooth skin. It's also far more interesting (and attractive).
Take a risk and enjoy it
Do whatever the fuck you want and enjoy it
Don't let time pass you by. Slow it down by giving yourself up to every moment
......
Love and well wishes to you all,
A.
